Thursday, 21 March 2019 / Published in LISTINGS, Sex & Relationships

Why I Regret Marrying A Church Guy! (Part 1)

Disclaimer! This is not an endorsement for divorce or a rally-cry to avoid marrying a believer. You can call it a wakeup call or some dating tips from a woman who married the wrong person.

Miriam was late again. ‘Damn, if only I had my own car’ she cursed silently. Her 6-inch heels were literary shredding her feet apart. The scorching sun was neither too kind. A bit of sweat dripped down her spine to the crack of her butt.

The only comforting thing at that moment was the melodious lyrics being sung by an angelic voice from afar. She didn’t want anyone to notice that she was late. Her mission was to slip discreetly on one of the seats in the back.

Also Read: Are We Babying Our Kids To Death? Teen Suicide

Unfortunately, the church was fully packed. To her dismay, the usher was signaling her to go take a seat at the front row. She ignored her for a moment, but the usher was relentless.

With her head bowed, she half-heartedly walks through the aisle as she slightly pulled down her somewhat short dress. She looked up for a moment as she tried to sway her long flowing hair off her face. For a split second, their eyes locked, and weirdly, her heart skipped a beat.

She found herself seated at the front centermost row. A stone throw away was the lead pastor’s wife who was giving her a condescending and disapproving look. This proximity made her pretty uneasy.

What was more unsettling for her is the fact that the handsome guy she had locked eyes with was standing right in front of her! He was the guy leading the choir. While he was singing his heart out and dancing with vigor, he gave her more than occasional glances, at times almost staring as if he was serenading her.

She felt elated. Since she saw the light almost three years ago, she has been praying to find a husband. Could this be God’s answer to her prayers, or was it her short flattering dress doing the Lord’s work?

She had tried dating a number of guys she met in church. The fact that she was not sexually attracted to most of them made her feel holy or was rather the right thing to do especially now that she was saved.

It only took a few weeks or even days, before she was ready to try her luck with another guy. None of them melted her heart the way she wanted them to despite reading enough dating tips.

This guy, however, got her hormones bubbling if not boiling. After the service, she asked around who he was. She gathered he was the new lead choir singer.

Unfortunately, she was not the only one who was excited about the gorgeous and talented new lead singer. Distraught, she knew she had to move fast. It was about time she joined the choir, and join the choir she did.

For a few weeks, he didn’t seem to notice her, though she always made sure they had seemingly innocent or coincidental interactions. Like asking him to help her fix the mic, or help her reach something from the top cabinet…

But she was no match for the wannabe lowlife girls who were all over him like a rash. One of them had the guts to ask, ‘Hey Mike, how come you are so cute, talented and single while I am still here – cute, talented in ways you don’t wanna know, and single too?’ Though she said this in a joking manner, trust me deep down she was dead serious.

See Why We Make Foolish Decisions When In Love

So this one evening after practice, he came up to her and said hi. He complimented her style and offered to walk her home. That night, all she could think of was wedding bells, honeymoon, and other wild thoughts she was ashamed of entertaining.

Months that followed, they went on several dates. She spelled it out from the word go that she was looking for a lifelong partner. Their conversations revolved around, salvation, the ratchet girls who were trying to trap him, choir drama, the church gossip, how they’ve been saving it for the right person, how they had been praying to meet the right person…

He tried to kiss her a few times, but she didn’t entertain such nonsense because they were far from engaged. Eventually, she agreed to pay him a visit after having begged her like a million times.

‘His’ house was magnificent and inviting. Plush furniture sprawled the living room, beautiful canvases hugged the walls and other nitty gritties that show no attention to detail was spared.

He ‘made’ her favorite dish; chicken wrapped in bacon stuffed with cheese and mushroom. When she opened the fridge, she found half-full bottle of wine. “I Thought, you don’t drink,” she asked? He explained that he uses it mainly for cooking, had very little alcohol content and the doctor had recommended it for his stomach problems.

Saying the chicken was finger licking is an undersell. She devoured it like a savage, barely holding herself from licking her fingers literary. The ‘not very alcoholic wine’ too went well with the chicken.

She was feeling giddy and excited. When he planted a kiss on her lips 1000+ MHZ of electrifying energy tore through her body. It is easy to understand why. It had been 2 years, 10 months and 17 days since she was last touched by someone.

Having been saved, she had been practising secondary virginity. She had also spared him the details of her previous rambunctious life. Trust me, this is not about to be a testimony of how she had turned from the devil to an angel.

She had her share of relationship problems which drove her to do hard drugs, almost getting addicted in the process. She had two abortions in college – to date, this haunts her.

She had once dated a girl reason being to avoid any more heartbreaks and to explore. This turned out to be disastrous after they both contracted some STI’s…

In the heat of the moment, the inevitable happened. I guess they call alcohol a pantie-dropper for a good reason. They didn’t even make it to the bedroom, but nobody had the time to notice that the floor was hard or cold.

Though they swore never to let that happen again she wound up pregnant. Mike first said that the baby wasn’t his since she had lied that she was a virgin in the first place. He then asked her to abort the pregnancy because his reputation in the church was on the line.

She wasn’t ready to repeat her past mistakes. She told him to go to hell and never ever to come back looking for her or his child. Two weeks later, he came begging for forgiveness promising to marry her as soon as the next day.

They decided to let bygones be bygones and set out to have a church wedding before anyone got wind of the growing baby bump.

Continue Reading: Part 2

Hint: The plot thickens she married the wrong person!

Eric Gichuru

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