“Vunja zote” (break them all) She says in a sarcastic tone when you break something. For those who are new to this parentesse, it actually means “If you break one more piece, you and the broken glass are destined for the same fate.”
African parents can be a piece of work. Some wear that attitude of “I brought you into this world, and Lord knows I can as well take you out!”
To celebrate this mothers day, I would like us to reminisce on some of the infamous lines our mothers used on us to enforce discipline. Some of these lines rubbed us so wrong that we swore never to use them on our kids.
Those who already have kids often kick themselves when they discover that they are using the same lines on their children just like their parents did. Here are some of the:
Agonising African Parenting Phrases We Swore to Never Use on Our kids
1. A teenage girl is stepping out from home; her cleavage is popping from the crest of her tank top. “Naona umeamua kuwanyonyesha sasa?” (I can see that now you have decided to breastfeed them) her mother cynically says.
With teary eyes, she dashes into her room and comes out wearing a full neck. “Happy now” she whines. “Very, that’s how a self-respecting lady should dress” her mother calmly responds.
2. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”
3. “Before the suns sets, your feet need to be in this house!”
4. “Because I said so!”
5. “I brought you into this world, and I can as well take you out!”
6. “Just WAIT till your father gets home!”
7. “Someone better be bleeding”.
8. “You kids will be the death of me yet.”
9. “Who raised you?”
10. “Where were you harvested?”
11. “One day, God willing, you’ll have kids JUST like you.”
12. “You’ll live.”
13. “Stop crying before I give you something to cry about!”
14. “If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you jump off too?”
15. “Here’s a dime kid…go call someone who cares.”
16. “Understand that money doesn’t grow on trees….”
17. One that usually worked is “Don’t make me come over there.”
18. “Before I count to 3, you better have done what I have asked you to do.”
19. “Unless the house is on fire or you are bleeding, I don’t want to know about it.”
20. “So you were too sick to go to school, but you’re not sick enough to stop having fun?”
21. “Just you wait and see.”
22. “Go ask your father.”
23. “What did your last slave die of?”
24. “It’ll all end in tears.”
25. “As long as you live under my roof…”
26. “What do you expect when you keep acting like a child, I’ll treat you like one.”
27. “We are you going looking like that, go put some clothes on!”
28. “I’ll smack your heads together if you don’t stop it.”
29. “There are children starving around the world, eat your food.”
30. Sometimes she uses the legendary technique; “TEARS,” that would get you bowing your heads in shame and feeling like jumping off a cliff and DIE.
She would stalk you, drive you insane, lecture you, flip out on you, and even hunt you down when need be. Remember guys, she did and this out of love! You will never find somebody who loves, prays, worries and cares for you more than her. She can take the place of all others, yet no one else can take hers!