Is This The End Of Men? How To Be A Man Enough!
“Hello, I think my periods are late,” she says after they have been on the line for a couple of minutes. “They will come don’t worry,” Nelson responds.
“I mean I have missed my periods; this is the second month.” “Ohh really?” He responds in a somewhat pitched tone.
“Yes really! Do you know what that means?” She asks anxiously?
“Hahaha!” He feigns a laugh. C’mon, you are overreaching…I think I should say congratulations. So who is the lucky guy?”
He can hear her panting on the other of the line muttering some inaudible curses! “You, you, you mean, you mean…” she stutters on breathlessly.
“Are you serious?!” She finally gathers her words. “This is your child **&*^&*!” “Wow, you don’t have to go all out vulgar, it was just a question.”
“Your stupidity and cowardice sometimes shocks me.” She retorts.
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Also Read: 9 Telltale Signs You Are Dating A Sociopath
“C’mon Linzy, you and I know that I am not the only guy you’ve been going down with raw. I’m not going to let you pin this on me!” Nelson mounts his defense.
“Be a man enough to own up to your responsibility…” She pleads.
A Loathsome Deadbeat
Though 5 or so years have passed since they had this hysterical conversation, it is still fresh on Nelson’s mind. It was neither his last. To be more precise, he’s had two more that have played out more or less just like that.
The first and the third baby mamas abandoned their chase after they discovered that he was a loathsome deadbeat that only managed to drive them into raging lunatics.
It got pretty ugly though with the second baby daddy. I guess he met his match because she was all out for blood. She’s pulled out Kamikaze moves on him that made him regret having ever met her leave alone not wearing the rubber during his 2 minutes of glory.
You should probably read, Are Our Men Getting Sexually Weaker?
For the past three years, she has had him arrested countless times, and dragged him in and out of courts to coerce him to pay for child support.
The Day of Reckoning
Just the other day, he bumped into Linzy (first baby mama) minding her own business at the mall. In tow with her were two kids; a gorgeous one-year-oldish girl and a charming boy about 4 years or so of age.
As he weighed whether to go scamper for the hills or to shamelessly go ahead and say hi, a guy comes along pushing a tricycle and gifts the boy.
The boy’s face lights up like a bulb as he almost runs him over with hugs, screams, kisses, praises…a spectacle that makes Nelson’s eyes wet momentarily.
Amidst, all that chaos, he catches the word ‘dad.’ What was more unsettling for Nelson was that the boy had an uncanny resemblance to himself – he had his signature forehead, and wide curious eyes.
I guess you could term the realization as his moment of reckoning. His hurt sunk; it probably hit the rock bottom and shattered into a thousand pieces.
He walked right out of the mall like a zombie. How he got home is still a puzzle, all he can remember is motorists hooting and yelling at him in outrage.
Seated on his favorite couch, he puffs the cigarette hard. He’s just smoked an entire packet in a span of two hours. He also takes a gulp of the vodka, right from the bottle, that oddly tastes like horse piss.
“My own son (who doesn’t know that I exist) is now doing so well being another man’s son.” This realization, plunged him into a fever pitch crisis. “My other son and daughter can barely recognize me, what kind of a man I’m I?” these thoughts haunt him as he bangs his head against the wall.
The Shrink
All he knew is that there was something broken in him and that he needed help like yesterday. “Tell me about your childhood,” the counselor asks.
His life flashed before his eyes momentarily. He had an interesting childhood.
His mother was a housewife while his father was a military man who was barely ever around. He was always scared sh*tless of him, maybe because he ran the home like a military camp.
He believed that he gave you your life, and if push comes to shove, he would sure fire take it away.
Their mother too did not escape the brunt of their father’s wrath. He’s witnessed her being slapped around and kicked out of the house a couple of times.
When his sister got pregnant at 16, she disappeared from home for good. She feared that their dad would not just slit her gut open. He would as well drag her dead pregnant body through the streets as a lesson to any girl out there thinking of spreading her legs.
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When he was not rebuking him for acting like a woman, he was preaching about how a man is never scared, never shed’s tears, never goes to the kitchen, never…
“I want to join the military,” Nelson told his father just after he had graduated high school. That was the countable times he has seen his father laugh.
“Don’t bother” his father responds sarcastically, “You will not last a day, and I really don’t want to be embarrassed.”
That was the last time he has ever asked for a favor from him. How was he stupid enough to expect anything from him? He has never shown up for any of his graduations, or even bought him a birthday present!!
“You feel like he’s disappointed or embarrassed with you?” The shrink asks?
“Exactly” Nelson responds.
“Tell me about your kids and their mothers?” The shrink adds.
Nelsons opens his heart for the first time. Tears that have been held for a lifetime flow as he narrates his earth-shaking story.
How To Be a Man Like There Used To Be
“I will be honest with you,” the shrink said. What you are suffering from is fragile masculinity, toxic masculinity and daddy issues but it is not your fault.
“FRAGILE… DADDY WHAT??” Nelson responds almost shouting.
“I know it sounds insulting but there is no better way to put it,” the shrink adds. Unfortunately, it is your father’s fault.
He never taught you how to be a man; all he told you is not to be like a woman. As if a woman is a lesser human being. The fact that your father was never there for you, makes you feel rejected, or not worthy to be loved.
Your aggressive and violent nature, and being a serial adulterer, is just a messed up way of proving to yourself and the world that you are man enough and you are loveable. Unfortunately, dominance, overt sexual prowess, and rebellion have nothing to do with being a man.
You are chasing the affirmation that you never got from your father in the wrong places and in the wrong ways.
He never got down to the ground and wrestled with you to show you what being a man is all about.
It is all about discipline and strength under control. He never showed you how to harness this strength to protect, nurture and to bless.
You can’t give what you don’t have though. So forgive your father because he did not know any better. Unfortunately, you are about to pass the baton of toxic/fragile masculinity and daddy issues to your children.
It is not too late though, you can unlearn the toxic things they taught you. Start learning the right things about how to be a man, not just for your sake but for your future generation.
