There are bad days and then there are legendary bad days. An agonized and battered husband discovered this when he caught his cheating wife right in the act. Women cheat more than men do; it is just that they are smarter cheaters. This was the hot debate that brought the entire gym full of busybodies to a stop one of these fine evenings.

One of the guys said, ‘Women are very meticulous and calculating. Just like a cat, you will never suspect them let alone catch them in the act.”

However, no matter how calculating one can be, sometimes karma decides to give you what you deserve. The million dollar question is, what would you do if you caught your partner red-handed cheating on you?

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I hit The Gym

As you ponder upon that question, here’s how I found myself listening to one of the most unbelievable yet true story ever.

So, just the other week I went to the gym, after a year or so of not working out. Soon enough, I discovered that I had grown pretty rusty because I could barely jog; let alone lift a few pounds of weights.

Fortunately, it was during the happy hour, which means the crude ‘weights’ section of the gym was packed with heavyweight pumping testosterone high junkies.

Yap, that’s where I hang; and of course, men’s talk was floating around. I got to catch up with some old buddies; comments about how I had added weight and grown soft kept trickling in by the minute.

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The Hot Debate

The hot topic was, ‘women are now outdoing men at cheating’. One guy argued that the reason why they don’t get caught is because that they go about it in a smarter and more subtle way than men do?

On the other hand, men are reckless and barely know how to clean up their act. This is why you always hear stories of the cheating husband.

Before we get into the what and the what-not’s of the cheating wife, there are two types of cheating: Emotional cheating and physical cheating.

The Story

As the guys continued preaching the gospel according to themselves like they are relationship experts, a guy starts narrating a story. So this guy, (let’s call him John) told us about the woes a friend of a friend (let’s call him Dick) is going through.

On second thought, let’s scrap those names. Let me give these characters more dignified names because contents of this story (Johns & Dicks getting into the wrong…) may get mixed up with the characters names.

He started by saying,

‘I shouldn’t be telling you this story in the first place but now since you guys have started this topic, F*** it.’

I was like, that’s the spirit bro.

He paused for a moment; I guess he was trying to set his thoughts straight. I had a feeling that he was about to unleash a dirty and an ugly story.

…And ugly and dirty the story was!

Disclaimer!

I understand that the girlfriend caught cheating topic is quite a delicate one and that may evoke extreme negative emotions especially for the victims of such circumstances. However, running away from reality won’t help. So let me help you take the bull by its horns or even better by its balls for vengeance sake (pun intended!).

So the guy (I haven’t decided yet on his Pseudo name) went on…

Picture this; you get home earlier than usual. You find the door unlocked so you don’t bother to knock, you just let yourself in.

I admit this guy was a darn good storyteller; see how he got everyone on the other guy’s shoes in seconds.

He went on,

“To your surprise, you are greeted by your woman’s top on the floor by the door, and her skirt a few meters away. You spot her bra by the staircase and a sexy thong you’ve never seen before on the stairs.”

The first thing that comes to mind is “ooh! She’s decided to give me a naughty and a kinky surprise”. This ‘surprise’ must have excited you because there you go hurrying up the stairs like a starved savage almost missing a step…

The narrator’s words were rudely interrupted by his phone ringing. By this time, everyone in the gym has stopped working out and had their ears trained on the man of the hour.

So we practically eavesdropped on his conversation. He picked the call and said, ‘hey bae’.

I guess he was talking with his wife or girlfriend.

The next word I heard was, ‘right now? …am at the gym!’

Ohh boy! That did sound like this the guy was about to leave when he had just given us the teaser of the story.

So as he ended the call he said, ‘I will be there in 30 minutes.’

To everyone’s relief, he hanged up, he asked, ‘where was I with the story?’

Like a choir, we responded in low eager voices, ‘Where the guy was running up the stairs like a hungry savage.’

At this point, I felt as if I could grab some popcorn because the tension in the room at that moment could be cut with a knife.

The Cheating Wife

…so before you are done with the last step, unsightly distant sounds stop you on your heels. As you now walk slowly towards your bedroom, you can hear a familiar female voice literally, ‘speaking in tongues’.

This gibberish sounds like…‘Make me your b%#ch’… your c*ck is driving me crazy… you taste amazing…f**k me like a slut…I love the way you fill me up…

Your ears start ringing because that sounds like a hardcore porn film, but somehow has the voice of your girlfriend in it.

These sounds are punctuated by loud mourns of pleasure, loud smacks, followed by shrilling screams and low grunts from a man asking the most stupendous question; ‘who’s your daddy?!’

Anyone can guess what the answer was!

The man was numb in shock because the woman he knows never runs her mouth during sex. In fact, when they turn off the lights, get under the sheets and the d**k pops out; she typically gets dumbstruck.

Certainly, it is not out of awe because she can barely see a thing in the dark. So this guy couldn’t get what must have bedeviled his cat-like woman to turn into this savage tigress.

Some idiot blurted out, “a good d**k of course”. Everyone laughed his heart out!

So the guy barged into the room like an angry tiger. It looked like a war zone; it was dark, drinks spilled all over and clothes littered everywhere. There was also a stench of alcohol and marijuana smoke, mixed up with uninviting odors of bodily excretions, from the two ‘creatures’ writhing on the floor in a sexual crescendo.

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The two were too engrossed in the act, that they didn’t even notice the man of the house was in the bedroom.

They only discovered there was an intruder a few seconds after. The two scampered in confusion trying to get dressed.

The only words the cheating wife could master in a panicky voice at that moment were ‘OMG it is not what it looks like bae.’

Those words must have awakened the homeowner’s demons. In a few quick few steps, he grabbed the wife by her hair and shoved her down the stairs. He then went on the intruder with everything he had; from punches, bites kicks, claws…

There are Bad Days and Then There is This Day

Unfortunately, the intruder was not a pushover. In self-defense, the intruder landed well-calculated blows on the homeowner’s face that sent him sprawling on the floor with a bloody nose.

Seeing he wasn’t going to win the fist fight, the homeowner darted to the drawer and grabbed a pair of scissors. His bloody fingers clenched the scissors tightly. He cursed and hissed like a venomous viper about how he is about to butcher the ‘bustard’ that has been screwing his wife in his own house on is favorite mat.

The intruder understood that it was too late talk himself out of this situation. This was going to be a fight to the death!

Before the homeowner could close the distance between them, the intruder quickly grabbed the half empty bottle of wine by the bed. ‘It is the bottle of wine that he had been enjoying with the lady of the house.’

He hurled the bottle directly at the homeowner’s face like a javelin. The homeowner ducked and it missed his head by a whisker and hit the wall. It exploded on impact with glass fragments and contents scattering in all directions.

Instantaneously, the intruder grabbed the two heavy glasses that were by the wine bottle and pelted them on him like missiles.

The first glass missed, but the second one didn’t. It landed right on homeowners left ear and shattered on his head as it hit the skull leaving deep cuts on his ear and his head. Seeing the opportunity, the intruder, disappeared never to be seen again.

Call that inviting the devil into your own house!

Agonized, battered, bleeding and his wife literary F%#*d, he was rushed to the hospital. I wonder what kind of a conversation the man had with his wife after he left the hospital.

In the meantime, the men in the gym were so furious. Some claimed, if they were in the homeowner’s shoes, they would kill the wife, hunt down the intruder; and murder him along with his entire clan just for the kicks.

What would you do if you were in the poor guy’s shoes?