{"id":3048,"date":"2021-04-13T08:12:55","date_gmt":"2021-04-13T08:12:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thelocco.com\/magazine\/?p=3048"},"modified":"2021-04-13T08:12:55","modified_gmt":"2021-04-13T08:12:55","slug":"parenting-styles-attachment-theory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thelocco.com\/magazine\/parenting-styles-attachment-theory\/","title":{"rendered":"What Kind of a Parent Are You? &#8211; Attachment Theory Reveals"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>We all think of ourselves as great parents; but does human psychology agree with you on this delicate matter? Attachment theory dictates that our childhood experiences shape the kind of adolescents and eventually the adults we turn out to be.<\/p>\n<p>Guess who is responsible for shaping your child\u2019s early childhood experiences; you the parent.<\/p>\n<h2>Parenting Styles: Attachment Theory<\/h2>\n<p>John Bowlby\u2019s attachment theory can help us determine if we are great parents by analysing what happens when a child is physically separated from the parent. The child often experiences intense distress expressed by clinging, crying, and throwing tantrums to avoid separation [<a href=\"https:\/\/internal.psychology.illinois.edu\/~rcfraley\/attachment.htm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">1<\/a>].<\/p>\n<p>Also Read:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/thelocco.com\/magazine\/babying-kids-death-teen-suicide\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"bookmark noopener\">Are We Babying Our Kids To Death?<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Related:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/thelocco.com\/magazine\/30-agonising-parenting-phrases-swore-never-use\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"bookmark noopener\">30 Agonising Parenting Phrases We Swore To Never Use But Still Are!<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Most of us see this as an immature emotional response to express emotional pain. Attachment theory however explains this as a natural survival instinct to avoid losing the primary caregiver [<a href=\"https:\/\/internal.psychology.illinois.edu\/~rcfraley\/attachment.htm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">1<\/a>]. According to the theory, how your child reacts when you get separated especially in an unfamiliar environment tells so much about the kind of parent you are.<\/p>\n<p>Children are likely to respond in the following ways when separated from their parent:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Securely also called secure attachment<\/li>\n<li>Insecurely &#8211; avoidant attachment<\/li>\n<li>Insecurely &#8211; ambivalent\/resistant attachment<\/li>\n<li>Disoriented &#8211; disorganized attachment<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Secure Attachment<\/h2>\n<p>Kids with a secure attachment, freely explore and play in their mother\u2019s presence or in a familiar environment. The baby gets distressed when the mother leaves especially if a stranger is present and expresses joy when the mother returns.<\/p>\n<p>The baby quickly settles back to whatever he\/she was doing with the assured presence of the mother.<\/p>\n<p>Mothers who inspire secure attachment are responsive, loving, warm, and emotionally available. Consequently, the baby is able to confidently express their feelings both positive and negative because they are assured that the mother will handle them accordingly.<\/p>\n<h2>Insecure \u2013 Avoidant Attachments<\/h2>\n<p>The babies seem indifferent to their mother\u2019s presence and do not get distressed when the mother leaves. They exhibit similar behaviour with a stranger. The baby might \u201cfail to cling\u201d when picked up by the mother when returns after a period of separation or might totally avoid her.<\/p>\n<p>Such mothers often exhibit anger towards their babies and lash out and are intolerant. Moreover, they tend to associate the baby\u2019s discomfort with wrong motives such as \u201cHe\u2019s just crying to spite me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>According to a study carried out by <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.2307\/1131544\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Spangler, &amp; Grossmann<\/a>\u00a0on behaviour of insecurely attached infants, these kids do get upset when the parent leaves. However, they have learned to suppress or rather deactivate these emotions to avoid risking the pain of rejection.<\/p>\n<p>Due to suppressed emotions and fear of rejection, these kids explore the world in a rigid, self-reliant manner. Older children with avoidant attachment tend to be aggressive, hostile, and generally have negative interactions with other kids. They prefer to sulk over solving a problem.<\/p>\n<h2>Insecure-Ambivalent\/Resistant Attachment<\/h2>\n<p>These babies usually waver between episodes of clinginess to their mother and angry resistance. They also avoid playing or exploring in her presence. Though such babies show signs of distress when she leaves, the baby may not express joy when she returns.<\/p>\n<p>The baby seems to want a close relationship with the mother. However, due to her insensitivity and inconsistency, the baby\u2019s confidence is undermined.<\/p>\n<p>As such instead of play, the child spends most of his\/her energy focusing on the mother\u2019s behaviour or mood. Such children tend to be inhibited, unassertive, withdrawn, and have poor interpersonal skills.<\/p>\n<h2>Disorganized Attachment<\/h2>\n<p>This is the most destructive attachment style of all, which predominantly occurs in abusive families. The parent who should be a source of love and security turns out to be the one who scares the child. Thus, the grows with unresolved trauma [<a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1002\/pits.10153\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">3<\/a>].<\/p>\n<p>Such parents often have a history of:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Substance abuse<\/li>\n<li>Mental illness<\/li>\n<li>Physical &amp; emotional mistreatment<\/li>\n<li>Extreme poverty<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Typically, these children are flooded with anxiety. They also exhibit expressionless or cold postures in the presence of their mothers. Dissociation is their best defence mechanism [<a href=\"http:\/\/docshare01.docshare.tips\/files\/26196\/261960225.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">4<\/a>]. Older children are also likely to be aggressive and controlling.<\/p>\n<p>The attachment theory goes further to uncover how early childhood experiences determine the kind of adults we become.\u00a0<strong>Note<\/strong>: The word mother in this article has been used to refer to the primary caregiver which could also be a guardian or the father of the child.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Coming soon<\/strong>: How Childhood Trauma Ruins our Adult Relationships confidence and self-identity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We all think of ourselves as great parents; but does human psychology agree with you on this delicate matter? Attachment theory dictates that our childhood experiences shape the kind of adolescents and eventually the adults we turn out to be. Guess who is responsible for shaping your child\u2019s early childhood experiences; you the parent. Parenting<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3049,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[69,2,3,64],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.8.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What Kind of a Parent Are You? - Attachment Theory Reveals - theLocco Magazine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We all think of ourselves as great parents; but does human psychology agree with you? 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